Hey . . . God

Shortly after high school I left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons).  Over the past couple of decades I’ve compiled a laundry list of questions and issues convincing me Joseph Smith Jr.s story and church are bogus.  Following is my take on why and how he adopted polygamy.

From Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph to Moses, from a burning bush and Saul on the road to Damascus, God spoke to His chosen.  I can’t say how often the Old-timers “saw” the Big Guy “in the flesh”.  In the early nineteenth century; however, an upstate New York farm boy, Joseph Smith Jr., struck up a face-to-face acquaintance with not only Angels and Jesus Christ but God Almighty Himself.  From The Church of Latter Day Saints canon, (Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price) it seems Joseph and God frequently chatted on a first-name basis.

Hey . . . God

Joseph: Hey . . . God.

God: ‘sup Joe?

J.: I been thinkin’.

G.: I know.

J.: In the Old Testament Solomon was your prophet, right?

G.: Okay?

J.:  Now, I’m Your Man.

G.: Go on.

J.: And Solomon, he had all those wives, those conkiebines.

G.: You want to fornicate.

J.: No, well, I mean  .  .  .

G.: I see you eyeing the sweeties.  You want to fornicate, Joe.

J.: Hey it’s a big job down here, deliverin’ Your word.  It ain’t easy.     People criticizing, threatening.  It’s a lonely job.

G.: I hear ya Joe.  I was there.  You’d feel less alone if you had  .  .  .   companionship.  Hopping in bed with one of My maidens now and then would ease the stress.

J.: Right!

G.: Go ahead Joe.  Fornicate all you want.

J.: Gosh thanks  .  .  .  But there’s a problem.

G.: Emma.

J.: Yeah Emma.

G.: You tell little Emma keep her bloomers on.  This is a man thing.

J.: Right!

G.: You, and the Brethren too, you can fornicate with, oh something like   say ten virgins, and it’s not a sin.  Call it My “everlasting covenant.”  Break it you’re sunk!  That’ll keep the wives quiet.  Write it up Joe.  Tell   ’em I said so.

J.: Thanks God, thanks a lot!

G.: Anytime Joe.

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